OMG.

beeny316 @ 2009-06-07T21:48:00

2009-06-08T01:50:08Z

I cant believe i fell for it again.

I really feel stupid.

I got no call.

I got no message.

I waited for hours.

wow...

2008-10-24T17:20:32Z

last night
with tears in his eyes
he told me he was in love with me....

...i cant explain it
but its feels so good to hear again
especially from him

beeny316 @ 2008-09-09T17:25:00

2008-09-09T21:31:12Z

i have a new boyfriend. his name is bryan. i thought i wasnt ready for a new boyfriend. he completely swept me off my feet. hes not like any other guy ive ever dated. he makes me so happy. i feel good about this one. : )

beeny316 @ 2008-08-06T19:29:00

2008-08-06T23:31:18Z

Last night I
Said too much
But you’re still here
So I’m doing something right
So can I
Apologize
Make this up to you somehow

This time I
Made a mistake
But I’m man enough
To admit I’m wrong
This time

With loaded eyes
Baby you look beautiful tonight
Don’t gamble with my heart

Have you learned anything about me?
You can see it in my eyes
I’d be better off alone (better off alone)
I’ll get over this
Just give it time
You know I’ll come back to you
I’ll always come back to you

I’ve been dying to tell you
I’ve been you’res since day one

If distance makes the heart grow stronger
You’ll never lose me when I’m gone

I hate it when this home becomes a heartache
Will loaded eyes baby you look beautiful tonight
I’ll come back to you

i cant believe its taken me this long to understand...

2008-08-06T12:50:53Z

...everything happens for a reason.
god has a plan.
i need to stop worrying about what i can do to make things better.
theyll work out.
i need to believe.

another love

2008-08-04T20:14:15Z

Why do your eyes paralyze me
What makes me feel this way
Just carry me away with silence and heartbeats
As rapid thinking about your embrace
and how it makes me feel
I just want to feel this way forever
Sleep on portraits painted as perfect as you
Why have I been given the chance to fly
When I'm not with you I feel lesser alone
I remember your face imprinted on angels
Your voice as beautiful as the sounds of waves
crashing against my heart
Time slows down when you look at me
I'm infatuated with this infatuated with you
It's so hard for me to understand why
I hadn't found you before don't dull away
hold my hand

You Come Into My House, While I Sleep?

2008-07-31T16:23:13Z

sleep now, but remember to wake up.
up wake up wake up and remember.
Live clean and breathe free.
The day is just a time to sleep with the lights on.

Ringing, the door is opening.
The kite just spreads it's wings and surrounds us.

Just dream and let me,
Let me guide you through to the other hillside.

Come on, get a grip and close your eyes with me. A story's not a story 'til you've made it up, you see?

You can't start changing minds until you've changed your own.

So c'mon and change with me.

oh how i love this band

i had a wrench, and i hit him

2008-07-28T23:30:21Z

When you unveil your teeth,
You happen to unsheathe
the sword that punctures my side.

Cause we all know
that it's all just a show
to feel better about yourself when I return the favor.

beeny316 @ 2008-07-28T01:51:00

2008-07-28T05:51:41Z

you made the responsible choice....

wow...

2008-07-17T14:47:57Z

its been a long time. a lot has changed. i work a ton. i try to go out with friends. im always busy. i have fun. im constatntly tired. even after a full nights sleep. thats about it.

beeny316 @ 2008-05-04T23:23:00

2008-05-05T03:25:17Z

Today was my 22nd birthday. god do i feel old, and yet so unaccomplished.

i thought i knew what i wanted for my life. i now realize i have no idea.

beeny316 @ 2007-12-10T19:07:00

2007-12-11T00:08:06Z

i have found a strength i didnt know i had

I GOT A NEW JOB!!

2007-10-29T19:16:56Z

as of monday november 5th i will be working at travelers insurance company downtown!!! i believe itll be 10x better than my currant job and i get an awesome pay increase. i also have good beneftis and i get more paid days off in a year. ill be doing nothing but customer service. NO MORE SALES!!! i hate sales!!! im so happy. i cant believe that a year ago now i was working at little caesars and thinking id never go anywhere with my life. im so happy for myself. and it feels good that i did this all by myself. i went to the comprehensive test and i went through the 4 hour interview. oh what a happy day. as soon as i get some bills paid im moving out on my own!

beeny316 @ 2007-09-25T13:43:00

2007-09-25T17:43:44Z

i dont know what to do

oh jeez

2007-08-09T14:50:30Z

everything has been great lately. im happy about were i am right now in my life. ive been hanging out with good friends lately and i like it. ive been working and swimming and chillin. brennans awesome. hes just great. i dont have the words to say how awesome he is. he makes me feel really good about my self. its a nice feeling for a change.

i plan on soon getting a trampoline for our new backyard!!!! ive always wanted a trampoline!!

me, brennan, adam and marrissa are all planning a trip to nyc. jennie may be coming too. we looked into taking a train or a bus, but its way too expensive. were just going to take my cute little car down. the next snag is where were going to stay. we were going to stay with our friend brandi, but her bf's family is coming down the same weekend and itll be crowded. im looking into possibly asking my friend doug if we can stay there for a day or two. were going to go to red bamboo and hopefully all of the consignment shops again.

oh life is grand!! i might be quiting pizza hut and get a job waitressing were i can get some real tips. im sick of making under minimum wage. i need money!!! i have made a list of things i want right now:

-to get my car detailed. inside and out
-to pay off all of my credit cards
-buy new clothes. for work and outside of works
-buy many pairs of shoes!!
-go on a really good vacation far away. one that requires taking a plane

feeling lately

2007-04-23T18:20:33Z

Love ridden, I've looked at you
With the focus I gave to my birthday candles
I've wished on the lidded blue flames
Under your brow
And baby, I wished for you
Nobody sees when you are lying in your bed
And I wanna crawl in with you
But I cry instead
I want your warm, but it will only make
Me colder when it's over,
So I can't tonight, baby
No, not "baby" anymore - if I need you
I'll just use your simple name
Only kisses on the cheek from now on
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave
My hand won't hold you down no more
The path is clear to follow through
I stood too long in the way of the door
And now I'm giving up on you

moving

2006-01-13T16:59:58Z

im moving to east syracuse today!!! only problem is that i wont have internet or phone until the 26th...you can reach me at 447-1488, and i might be able to get online for little bits at other peoples houses.

beeny316 @ 2005-12-07T07:44:00

2005-12-07T12:48:18Z

is it wrong that i find myself not caring?
i can see these same imagines and be content
weeks ago i would have cried
hoping it wasnt true
i didnt want to lose you
but now i can see youre gone
too far from my grasp
but after all is said and done
its over
all memories forgotten
except those that we should have
i never thought id be able to say it
but
goodbye

forever

me, myself, and i

2005-10-06T05:44:09Z

i havent updated in a super super long time, but i felt the want to. alot's been going on. ive been going through alot and i need to get it out

im moving out of my house. i cant deal with living here and i especially cant deal with my sister. shes a hypocritical bitch with an attitude. we do nothing but fight all the time.

i need to make some changes in my life. ive found that i dont like the way people view me sometimes. like most people dont see the real me. i just found out what some kids in high school used to think of me as, and i dont like it. i want to be me....but i dont like what being me shows everyone. im not only talking personnality wise. ive done some really messed up stuff lately. i hate myself so much for it. i dont feel an ounce better than the people around me doing the same thing. i dont know how to change. i think moving out will help

im not going to lie...james killed a big part of me. with him, i could be the real me all the time. i cant do that with anyone anymore. i always feel as though i need to be something more...maybe then they wont hurt me and leave me.

ive been doing a lot of crying lately. i just want to be happy again

to everyone involved: STOP FUCKING WITH ME!!

DO IT!!!!!!

2005-08-17T22:45:06Z

1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor/color of jello to wrestle with you in. (Maybe.)
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

finally

2005-06-02T19:47:05Z

i havent updated in a long time. its cool though...dont really have anything new to write about. ive been really bored lately too. a lot of my friends go to school or work during the day, so im stuck home being lazy, or cleaning our house. ive been hanging out with my friend ryan a bunch lately. hes cool.....but listens to shitty music. i hate old school hardcore.

p.s. im moving. not far away. probably only to east syracuse. itll be cool. were moving into a house with an in ground pool. ill have people over.

everything else in my life is pretty good. confusing, but pretty good. ive been thinking alot. about what i really want and about mistakes ive made in the past and ones i might be making right now. i hate not knowing whats best, or what will be best for me in the future.

i saw bane on sunday. it was pretty amazing. seeing friends was good.

"Probably never shoulda even opened my mouth
And I had no right to say what anything meant to you
I'm still trying to figure out what it all meant to me
We all know sometimes I speak too quickly
Been known for choosing all the wrong words
Seems I wasn't very careful when traveling back in time
Remembering how I'd wished we coulda burned a little bit brighter
The second time around
I was holding out for something greater
Than broken slogans, empty sing-alongs
I still do
It's still not"

so.....

2005-02-21T16:17:12Z

my new bf isnt coming to syracuse with me anymore. he realized he had a concert he had to be in and unless someone wants to come to fredonia to pick us up at 10 at night, he cant come. its ok. ill be coming home. i need to pick up a whole lot of stuff. also, my moms making a turkey dinner on saturday.....mmmm, real food.

ive been super sick lately....so, im going back to bed

GET READY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-02-17T06:48:37Z

IM COMING HOME THE WEEKEND OF THE 25TH!!!!!!!! WATCH OUT. AND MAYBE IF YOURE COOL ENOUGH, WE CAN HANG OUT...LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. P.S. IM BRINGING THE NEW BF WITH ME.

PEACE!!!!

i havent written lately

2005-02-16T03:15:11Z

alot has happened since i last updated

i have a new bf. things with reggie and i didnt work out and i found a new fantastic boy here at college. hes a sweetheart and i love him very much. hes also a percussion major like me, so we get along great. hes tall, funny, cute and black...thats right. hes black. hes into hardcore and shit like me and doesnt have the slightest black quality in him. im very happy with him

speaking of my new boy, he took me out to dinner last night for valentines day. hes such a sweetheart and a gentle man. i also got candy. he knows my weaknesses. yesterday was the best day ever. i had another valentine, my friend doug. he had a gf a few days before valentines day and they broke up, and he had no one to give the nice chocolate to but me!!! my parents sent me a package too. in it was a cute pink purse with white stars that ive wanted for a while, and a pink bear that had a $20 walmart card on it...i has so happy to even just get mail.

college is alot of fun, and way too much work. i find myself working twice as hard....i really need to get my grades up this semester. i need to prove to my parents that i can do this....well.

im getting fat....ive been eating out of stress alot lately. i dont have time to work out. and all of this after i thought i was loosing some.

ive been listening to alot of fiona apple. she makes me so happy. i love that i can listen to a woman sing, and its not about some sappy bullshit like all female pop singers

i have to do laundry.....its getting ridiculous

stolen

2005-02-16T03:03:36Z

if you read this, even if i don't speak to you often, you must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad, just so long as it happened.

Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you....

id like to see how people remember me